tomorrow

By El and aki

It might have just been the sand in her eyes or the harsh wind from the sea. Pepa tried to deny that the bottle in which she hid her sorrows she buried deep inside her had popped open. The feelings along with the memories flowed out without stopping, leaving her crushed. She knew she could not stop the tears cascading down her face, dampening the sand beneath her feet.

With every sob, a silent wish was repeatedly uttered. As the waves crashed against the sandy dunes, Pepa’s prayers and desires flowed with them. The winds listened in a soft cool breeze as if carrying the minuscule hope left within her. Her energy was fading like the last rays of the sun. What remained of the fire within her was a fleeting spark — nearly washed out by their hurtful words and doubts, much like the relentless waves continuously eroding the sand on the shore.

“Is that even right?”

“Do you really believe in those things?”

“Where did you even get these ideas?”

“An activist? You’re just a student.”

“The adults are speaking, stay out of this.”

“You’re such a know-it-all, nothing good will come out if you learn too much.”

“Why should I hear what a girl has to say? Go back to the kitchen.”

“What you dream for won’t happen tomorrow.”

She stifled another sob, swallowing the lump in her throat, only to clutch her arms tighter as the waves lapped against the shore. Cries spilled out of her lips, willing for the memories to disappear like dust in the air.

No one told her it was this hard to understand and to be understood, to listen and to be heard. She strived to learn and to know, and when she did, contemptuous gazes and backs turned onto her as she voiced her thoughts. Were they a friend or a foe? Were they afraid to stand or merely conform? Pepa was no longer sure if this fight was worth the risk the more it prolonged.

Yes, she was a student and a woman, but she’s also human. She had this compassion and willingness to do something to help, not only as a concerned citizen of her beloved country, but simply as a dreamer for a better future. Choosing to support a cause for everyone was an act of selflessness she learned from those she admired. From then on, what she had learned and what she had experienced fueled the desire to create something bigger. However, in the end, her values and beliefs were easily discarded. It seemed futile, like a rock trying to reach out to the sky. Society seemed to tell her that what they have now is perfect, and her ideologies were nothing but a building problem. That reflecting on an issue that has long existed in the community was not worth looking for.

Pepa shuddered, tears unending as she exhaled. Torn between giving up, she could not ignore the progress she had seen and made through her own hands. However, it was tiring to carry the feeling of being alone.

Against the fading light, the sands sparkled like a rain of glitter beneath her feet. It was gold in color, and it mirrored what remained of the sun. A shadow cast next to Pepa made her lift her head. She hastily stood up as she saw a middle-aged woman donned in a Filipiniana dress, whose eyes shined with sympathy and kindness. She glowed in the hues of orange and red.

Pepa saw her like an angel.

“W-who are you?” The young girl asked in shock. It came out like a rasp as hours of crying made her voice hoarse.

The lady offered a gentle smile and an outstretched hand. “Josefa Llanes Escoda.”

Pepa stood in frozen shock, her mind reeling as she tried to process the impossibility of the moment.

Could it really be her?

The woman standing before her, radiating an aura of calm strength is the same woman immortalized in the books? A tireless activist, social worker, and an advocate for women’s suffrage and education whose name echoes throughout history. Whose accomplishments were celebrated in the very textbooks that Pepa had spent countless nights, reading and studying with admiration and reverence.

Pepa remembers the first time she came across the name, Josefa Llanes Escoda. As a child, she already knew what she wanted to become in life, a social activist and worker. Having grown in a neglectful and toxic patriarchal household, Pepa knows the feeling of helplessness all too well. The feeling of having no one to fight for her.

Reading her older brother’s books under the covers, she found the legendary woman’s name. Josefa Llanes Escoda was a fighter. She fought for all the young girls, an advocate for education for them all. Pepa wished she had someone like Josefa to fight for her, the way she fought for those girls.

It was with this wish that made Pepa resolved to follow in Josefa’s footsteps. She was everything that Pepa aspired to be. She fought for the very things that Pepa fights for, every day of her life. The woman before her was a symbol of courage, a role model.

And as she stood before the woman, Pepa could not help but feel a sense of inadequacy. As if the weight of her own struggles and perceived failures had diminished her worth in comparison to the towering legacy of the woman in front of her. She was everything that Pepa wanted to be, but was not.

“Josefa Llanes Escoda,” Pepa echoed with a voice barely a whisper. “But how…?”

The kind woman reached out to hold her. “I could not help but hear your cries, hija,” she responded. “I’ve been watching over you. You are such a brave young woman, so wise for your age.”

Blood rose to Pepa’s cheeks, but she could not stop the new tears from welling up in her eyes. “They don’t think so. For the very reason that I’m just a student, a woman no less. They say it themselves and refuse to listen to anything else I have to say.”

Josefa gently squeezed her hand on Pepa’s shoulder, a subtle warmth in her gaze “They all told me that as well. I faced those same words, those same doubts. Education for a woman was laughable, but uneducated women mattered just as little,” she bitterly said. “They all tried hard to stand in my way. But you know what?”

Pepa stared at her with interest in her eyes. “What?”

“I tried harder.” A smile flickered across her face. “I’m stubborn, just as you are, Pepa. They tried to silence me too, telling me that as a woman, my place was not in the fight for freedom and equality. But I refused to let them define my worth. I knew that my education, my voice, was a powerful tool. So is yours.”

“I wanted to fight. I knew that I had to fight.” Josefa turned to Pepa, with a haunting determination that reminded Pepa of her own. “I fought for people like you. For children, young girls, just like you. The education they belittle you for? I fought so that you could have that. It is a weapon that I made sure you get the chance to wield.”

Pepa turned away as if ashamed to be in such a great presence. “You’ve done all that and succeeded. How could I ever compare when it feels like I’ll always keep failing no matter how hard I try? Like they’ll always find ways to break me down?”

The girl looked out onto the seashore. The sun’s light had already faded, leaving the moon’s glimmer in its stead. The waves have grown violent with the rising tide, battering and eroding the sand more harshly. She could not help but feel like the grains of sand, so eagerly trying to fight against the battering waves, but always getting broken down despite her efforts.

As if reading Pepa’s mind, Josefa said, “If their words are like rough waters, then consider your perseverance to fight and change the world that you live in as those same, relentless waves tearing down the rocks into sands.”

“And the sand still remains after everything,” Pepa continued.

Josefa looked pleased, proud even as she nodded in agreement. Her lips curled upward as if a hearty laugh threatened to come out. Pepa’s heart thrummed against her chest. She wiped the dried tears away before she softly chuckled. Words that she had stressed to hear finally came through. The storm within her settled little by little, and she knew she’d be able to pick up the pieces of her passion that nearly crumbled.

Josefa had started to walk with Pepa one step behind. She looked at the lady, shoulders straight and eyes glued to the sky. Onward.

There was a skip in Pepa’s pace as she followed.

Josefa slightly turned to her, eyes sparkling.

“Hija.”

“Yes?”

Josefa averted her gaze from her, steps faltering until Pepa had reached her. The young girl curiously looked at her, who made no sound as they walked together. Stars seamlessly shimmered in the night sky. The wind blowing softly compared to earlier matched the rocking of the waves.

“Pepa.”

Pepa flinched at the mention of her name. She never introduced herself to the gentle lady. Turning half of her body around, she saw Josefa standing two steps behind.

Josefa looked at her like how she did from the start. Her expression was bright with her hands clasped together, hanging above her saya.

“Thank you.”

Pepa had her eyes glued on her. Josefa grinned, slightly tilting her head as she raised a palm towards her.

“Go,” she commanded. “Pave the way. Lead them well.”

Pepa bit her lip before nodding. She took a deep breath and exhaled it out loud. A smile tugged at her lips. A foot pressed on the sands, then another until prints were marked heavier but with a gleeful heart.

One pair resumed while the other pair remained. The sun might have slept, but dreams were fulfilled.

Just like the footprints in the sand, you too will leave your mark, one that the waves will not wash away.