And on the Third Day [Entry 1: Fear]
Words by Solace
The first time it happened, I was six years old.
Mom let go of my hand the moment she spotted a vacant space beside an old lady reading a newspaper, running towards the only available bench for dear life. I naively ran with her, thinking it was a game.
She got there first, of course. Mom is best! I giggled at the thought.
Mom sat down, catching her breath, tugging her white blouse as if preventing any sweat from sticking too much. Her eyes shifted towards me, bolting to her direction. Immediately her brows furrowed, gaze sharpening. Suddenly my whole body went cold. The beat of my heart left my chest and spread throughout my body. Still, I showed my signature gummy smile to calm myself down. I halted in front of her.
Why was she mad?
She took out her branded handkerchief, “You shouldn’t have done that, Mina. Look, you got your turtleneck dirty. Only boys run like that, okay? Girls should be composed, and…clean.” she finished with distaste.
But it wasn’t okay. Is there a difference between how girls and boys run? I wanted to ask, but the thought of having Mom’s endless speeches interrupting my play time wasn’t worth it. No, that’s never okay.
“I’ll rest here first dear, go play with the other children. Be nice.” Mom said, and then proceeded to turn her attention to the old woman beside her who was visibly frowning at having her peace destroyed.
I skipped away, kicking all the pebbles and fallen dry leaves on the pavement. Its crunching sounds always satisfied me more than the thought of social interaction.
Ignoring the other kids, I proceeded to jump towards the leaf-covered path until I ended up seeing reds and yellows. I stopped immediately avoiding an exposed, twisted tree root plunged into the dry ground.
As I followed its path of origin, the striking rays of the sun prevented me from gazing above the most beautiful tree I have ever seen. It was a balding oak tree right at the middle of the park, quite far off my starting point. I briefly shielded my eyes and finally saw it.
It wasn’t how the thick branches spread out in all directions nor was it how the trunk looked cracked and its brown color faded. It was the cat who looked like a walking storm cloud, its eyes hiding the sun. It was clinging to the lowest branch, loudly hissing as it noticed my presence.
“Do you wanna go down?” I asked, the cat never stopped growling after that. I looked around and saw a fallen branch, neither too thin nor thick. Picking it up, it wasn’t too heavy that a toddler can’t drag and push alone to be exhausted in the middle of a sunny day. I positioned it vertically, letting it lean against the trunk.
“Here you go!” The cat went silent, eyes glued to me as if contemplating how to respond. It jumped quickly on the branch and climbed down with swift feline grace. I watched as it halted by my side, grooming its paw as if it hadn’t asked for help. I smiled, not having encountered a cat nearby the neighborhood park packed full of families walking their dogs or spending time with their kids. Mom would frequently stop to chat with the neighbors, while she left me to play with others. She encourages peers, and allows dogs. But no cats, all due to Mom’s warnings.
I kneeled and stroked its ash fur. The cat started purring, limbs stretching as it arched towards my touch.
It likes me! I thought, aiming for the tummy remembering how our family dog liked it. I admit that it was my mistake.
It happened fast. The cat lunged at me startled by the sudden action. The distance between us became smaller, and the eyes that I thought resembled the sun shone more dangerously. In those eyes, I was transported to another place.
Another time.
I blinked as I saw flashes of lightning outside a small, circular window, the passengers murmured apprehensively which became louder with each visible strike. Heavy rainfall poured from the dark, clouded sky, with only flashing blue and red lights at the corner of my vision. An ice cold hand held my sweaty ones.
“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. It’ll be over before you know it.” An unfamiliar voice made my body completely paralyzed by the hazy memory. But it was softer, sweeter than Mom’s. Blurry faces fogged my state of mind. The familiar ringing of an intercom snapped me out of my thoughts.
“Good day everyone, this is your captain speaking. We will be experiencing turbulence for the next hour of flight 1A55 heading to Japan. We advise you to please stay in your seats and fasten your seatbelts. Thank you.”
Everyone’s breaths started to slow despite the continuous rocking of the aircraft. But after a few minutes, loud thunder rang in my ears. Screams pierced through the enclosed space followed by violent turbulence.
Then everything went dark.
“Mina!” Mom’s voice echoed, far yet distinct. Not as loud as the ringing in my ears. She forcefully grabbed my wrist. Warmth permeated my left hand as drops of red flowed down the open wounds. “What did I tell you about playing with cats?”
The sight that greeted me as I turned to her was all a blur. With stinging eyes, I could only see the curve of her frown and the reddening of her face, but her expression didn’t make sense to my naive mind. The warmth from my injured hand spread to my face, drops of hot tears fell down and never stopped.
Despite all the tears, it failed to wash away the guilt that seized my conscience. Mom tended to my hand with her now stained handkerchief while angrily scolding me about my clumsiness, my disobedience. My foolish attempts in explaining only resulted in a bawling mess, barely coherent words accompanied with flailing hands desperate to be understood. All which are met by her finally snapping in impatience. She demanded my silence, and decided to deal with me later as she dragged me to the nearest park exit.
And in despair I fell to the depths of the storm eating me alive. As if all those pent-up memories and emotions waited there for a long time.
Guttural cries echoed throughout the park as frantic eyes from passersby shifted to me then focused on my hand now crudely wrapped with the handkerchief. The cat was nowhere to be found.
Just like me, and everything else beforehand.
After that I never answered any questions nor curious glances. I couldn’t even explain how I just knew that my life would never be the same. That it’s better to keep quiet. Years passed and I feared nothing but that day. Not even death.
All because I couldn’t differentiate the sun from lightning.
