Alone Again

Words by: RJ Duruin

The gentle breeze of the wind hit your hair and fluttered up like a cape. I looked at you, and it felt like no other movie scene.

It was indeed a movie scene on a very beautiful beach, 5:30 p.m., just as the sun was about to set. The dark blue-grayish clouds contrasted with the pinkish-orange sky.

Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew by, and I got thrown off-balance. For a split second, my eyes caught a glimpse of you. Time slowed down, and it’s like I’m dreaming. It feels like I’ve laid my eyes on Venus, the Roman goddess of beauty. I subvocalize, “You’re like the planet Earth. Out of trillions of heavenly bodies, you’re one of a kind.”

Happy hormones start to fill my bloodstream. My emotions suddenly turned physical. I felt love but it was not only emotional. My heart pounded like there was no tomorrow and a subtle tingling sensation crawled up and down my body; a manifestation of how real it was.

But everything turned dark as I hit the ground. I woke up, oh god, not my dark room again at 3 a.m. As the tears started to flow, I muttered to myself, “It’s been months, love. Why does it still hurt?” I was on cloud nine a second ago. Why am I on my wood-tiled floor now? You provided me with love and a safe space where I could be me; something I’ve never felt for a long time.

I wish I was always in dreamland, so we could be together until the very fabric of space and time started to tear. I wish I was always in dreamland, so that I could feel love again.

But now that I am wide awake in this reality, I’m all alone again.

Alone again.